WS Chronicle

By Busta Brown

As we come to our last week of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I’d like to share this story of another strong, intelligent phenomenal woman. 

“I am not a victim of domestic violence, I’m a Queen Survivor. 

“Now, before I get started, I want everyone who reads or hears my story to know and understand that you also have your own story to share. Once you release it, it becomes very cleansing, healing, and therapeutic,” said ‘VM.’ She is an author, YouTube host, speaker and entrepreneur.  She uses her social media platforms to reach out and mentor other survivors of domestic violence. 

“All of your negative core beliefs about yourself has to be torn down and you have to want it to be torn down. My negative core beliefs were: I was conditioned to believe that unwanted sexual advances, being forced to have sex, being physically thrown around and called names, were all a part of a man showing me love. It took years, but I tore all of that down. I had to nearly lose my life to understand this,” said VM. The mother of two became extremely emotional, looked away from the camera, wiped her tears and then continued. “I’ve been through some horrific relationships that were verbally abusive, but I had never been hit with a fist until nearly a year ago. My ex-husband beat me like I was in a boxing ring. His first punch put me on the floor, and then I tried to protect myself because I thought he was going to begin using his feet to kick me. Instead, he continued beating me and cursing, and beating and cursing, and threatening me. I was trying to cover myself, but he knew how to penetrate through my arms with his fist. When I tried to get up to run, he hit me in the eye, then the nose, and then my mouth. I screamed as loud as I could so that my children could hear me, and eventually my youngest heard me and then ran to get his older brother and his wife, and that’s how it stopped. It seemed as if it went on forever, but it eventually stopped,” said VM. Her case is still pending. 

VM said that her first experience with domestic violence was witnessing a physical altercation with two female family members. “During the fight, one of them pulled a knife on the other, and we had to call the police. I was petrified. This happened often in my house and in my neighborhood. I developed extreme anxiety, which kept me up all night. I would wet my bed and was very afraid of almost everything. The anxiety caused my imagination to run wild, because I was always afraid that someone was going to hurt me. My mother would put me in a cab with this man that she knew, but I didn’t know him at all. There was no prepping me for it or anything. She said, ‘Get in the car and he’s going to drop you off at someone’s house so that you can walk to school with her kids.’ He was nice and tried to talk to me and keep me calm, but I was terrified. At that time, I was just a child. I learned how to cook for myself, clean, and basically take care of myself. This went on through high school. I remember at 11, my mom would drop me off at some of my relatives’ houses while the kids were outside playing. When it was time to go inside, everyone would look at me and ask, where did you come from? They made awful comments about my mom and me about the situation, and it was very hurtful. I would live there for weeks without a change of clothes or food. I felt like a thrown away child, like I wasn’t wanted anywhere. 

“By the grace of God, I remained a virgin until college. I just wanted to feel loved Busta, and I thought pleasing my man at any cost was the answer, even through the abuse, because I thought I could heal and fix men. Because of my childhood, I sought out the wrong type of men. My happiness was always tied to a man, from the age of 18 until 50,” said VM. 

“I started watching Bishop R.C. Blake and my life began to change. I began to realize that something was very wrong with me, because everything I tried to do didn’t work. It was time to try something different. I spent all my life trying to love and fix, teach and raise these men. Now it was time to fix me and with that, I realized that even the men were also broken because of what they went through. So, I’ve learned to pray for forgiveness and their healing as well. When I started seeking the WHY, everything came full circle. My healing began and I was able to allow God to take complete control of my life. It’s a shame that it had to come to me almost losing my life to find my truth and peace.

“Now I have that peace with God and he has blessed me tremendously. I have a new car that I didn’t think would happen, and my credit is great.  God cleaned up my credit and then blessed me with a new home, as well. I started my women’s ministry, a YouTube channel, my own business, and I wrote a book. The Bible says you will be sought after, and success found me. I make more money than I ever made. Everything I asked God for, he gave me,” she said, and begin crying and shouting. 

As she was crying, she found the strength to continue. “When you get away from your abuser, doors are going to open for you like never before! If you’re in an abusive relationship or marriage, that’s not God, and it’s not love. Love doesn’t hurt. You must get out and find out how blessed your life can truly be. You deserve the same happiness, peace and success,” said VM. 

Her children are doing extremely well in school and personally as well. 

“There are a lot of resources out there to help women who are in domestic violent relationships or marriages. It starts with a simple phone call to your local authorities and organizations such as the Family Justice Center in Guilford County. They will walk you through the process of finding a safe haven, so make that call now.” 

My phenomenal Person of the Week is VM, the 2020 Queen Survivor. Reach out to VM on Facebook @Healing Broken Hearts Ministry, wwwvmashell.com, or email her @healingbrokenheartsministry@yahoo.com.