WS Chronicle

By Busta Brown

How would you like to metamorphosize your struggling marriage or relationship into one of the best parts of your life?  I found out about a marriage metamorphosis program that helps you make that dream come true. 

“In this transformational relationship program, I help women set their relationships on fire through inner healing. Metamorphosis means change and what women have to realize is that if change is to happen, they have to be the catalyst that ignites the change. I provide the pathway to the metamorphosis process,” shared Sandra Ingram.

I asked the wife of 41 years, a question lots of marriages and relationships struggle with. Can you reignite the fire when you lose the physical attraction for one another? 

Before we get into her answer, let’s meet this amazing woman.

Where were you born and raised?

I was born and raised in a small town named Spring Lake, right outside Fayetteville, North Carolina. I attended the public schools and was the first Black runner-up at the Miss Pine Forest High School Pageant. At the age of 16, I drove an 82-capacity school bus that was a straight drive and had no air conditioning.

When did you know helping others was going to be your calling?

As a young child, I was a loner and stayed to myself. I wrote sitting on a tree stump in the woods (I grew up in the country). As I matured, my friends began to ask for my advice. As I began to speak and give good advice, the word spread that I could help and inspire others. This was manifested more as I entered high school. After I became a minister, women just naturally navigated toward me for advice.

Share something you have overcome as a child and adult that prepared you for who you are today.

When I was 25 I bought my first house, and I was brutally raped at knife and gunpoint. With the help of God, I began the slow process of healing that took me from wounded to worthy. I share the tools that gave me peace from my pieces with my clients. I realized that circumstances do not define you.

Where did you earn your PhD?

My undergraduate degree is from Livingstone College in biology. I then acquired a master’s degree in biology, secondary education from N.C. A & T State University. My doctor of philosophy in education with a specialization in curriculum and instruction degree was from Capella University. This is an online accredited program.

How can someone metamorphosize their marriage when the physical attraction is gone?

“Ok, answer this question. I love you because …,” asked Sandra. I replied, “I love a sweet and kindhearted woman. So, I would say, I love you because of how sweet and kind you are to everyone you know, and even strangers. I never thought I’d meet someone who loves the way you do.”  

Sandra replies, “You 100 percent need to adjust. When you love things about people, when they’re not sweet anymore, you’re not going to love them anymore. That’s attaching something to your love for them, and that’s not love. The answer should be, ‘I love you because of you. I don’t love you because you have a six pack. I don’t love you because you have a wonderful job.’. Love is not an emotion, it’s a choice. Some people say their mate doesn’t understand them. Probably not, because you don’t know who you are. In any relationship, whether you’ve been married for one year or 50 years, that person only knows what you tell them, and that may be about 10% about who you really are, because that’s all you tell them. You can’t expect people to know you when you don’t know who you are,” said Sandra.

Share with us a couple of challenges you and your husband have overcome and how.

Like many married couples, we had financial and communication issues. Since I did not get married until I was 30 and was accustomed to paying my bills, it was hard for me to share. After many trials of diverse ways to manage the finances between us, we compromised on what worked best for us. Every couple is different so there is no right or wrong way to do finances as long as you have a mutual understanding and respect for the process you both choose. This took time and many trials and failures, but it did work because we did not get frustrated and give up. I also had to look at my upbringing and realize where my financial roots were and how they affected my adult life.

Of course, we had communication issues because neither one of us was good at it. It took many years to realize that just because our mouth was moving did not mean we were communicating. Someone had to make the first move to learn to be quiet and listen. I took the first step, and we worked together after that.

What advice would you give parents who are dealing with teens today?

Be patient, do not overact. Listen and remember you were young once. No matter what they do, do not let them forget you love them no matter what. Always remember that your children are an extension of you. Be sure what you do not approve of in your children is not what you do not approve of in yourself.

What is the magic that made you a highly accomplished and esteemed speaker? What is your key message?

There is no magic.  It is hard work and dedication to assisting women to be the best they can be. I have invested in myself to learn as much as I can in my field about women, their needs, and how to assist them. I also have read books and done research. My key message revolves around inspiring and empowering women to unlock their potential and achieve their goals.

There are a lot of  life coaches. What sets you apart from the rest?

I am a transformational life coach. I do not coach everybody, only the women who need what I am offering, and that is to change the status of their relationship from stale to vibrant by acknowledging that change begins with them.

What do most clients need coaching with?

After speaking with women and letting them tell me what they want and need, these topics come up: emotional intimacy, open communication, mutual respect, and trust, just to mention a few.  Most clients are looking for love and how to be loved and be happy.

Tell us about your books and how they can help us become our best selves.

All my books up to this point have been on relationships. My first book was “Before You Pray Again (The Keys of Effectual, Fervent Prayer).” This book was written about our relationship with God.

“Talk More, Fight Less (Rebuilding, Renewing, and Restoring Communication in Your Relationship)” assists people in learning the strategies of effective communication by mastering life-changing communication skills and recognizing it is all about you and not the other person. 

My third book, “The Heart of Communication,” is a communication workbook full of exercises to help you work through what is holding you back from being a great communicator.

What is your favorite scripture and why? 

Revelation 3:8: “I know what you do. I have put before you an open door that no one can close. I know you are weak, but you have followed my teaching. You were not afraid to speak my name.” This is my favorite scripture because I do not have to break down doors. God opens the ones I am destined to walk through, and no one can close any door that God has opened. He opens these doors because I serve and respect His will for my life. I try to do my best for God even if I am not in the best of health. If I will, He will.” 

My Phenomenal Person of the Week is Sandra Ingram. For more info and to contact Sandra, visit: https://www.facebook.com/sandra.ingram.524381. Sandra’s books are available on Amazon.