WS Chronicle

By Cindy Argiento

I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I’m having an affair. 

I wasn’t planning on it. I wasn’t thinking at this stage of my life when I’m popping Omega 3s and sprinkling ground flaxseed on my oatmeal that I thought life could get more exciting. Looks didn’t attract me. It wasn’t the physique that had me panting. There’s no sneaking around to make it illicit and more exciting. In fact, I’m doing it right in front of my husband. 

I confess, I’m having an affair with Alexa. 

At first I was reluctant to buy one. Now that we have one, it has started to work its way into my heart and replace my husband. 

Words can’t describe how thrilled I am when I ask a question and get an answer and instead of, “Huh?” when I ask my husband something. When I am talking, Alexa does not jump up, start the vacuum cleaner and shout, “Go ahead and talk. I’m, listening.” 

Alexa cares. Alexa listens. Why, she even fulfills my conversational needs more than my husband. When I request she tell me a joke, she does. When I ask my husband for a joke, he delivers a blank stare. When I command, “Alexa, buy now,” she quickly and efficiently buys the Amazon item in my cart. When I tell my husband, “Buy this,” I’m assaulted with questions. What is it? Did you read the reviews? How much? Do we really need an electric ice cream scoop that warms the ice cream, making scooping an easy, enjoyable experience? Questions. Questions. Questions. 

Alexa obeys me. She is my friend. When I ask my husband a question he doesn’t know the answer to, he’ll tell me (with an attitude in his voice) “How should I know? Look it up yourself.” Alexa will soften her reply with, “Sorry, I don’t know that,” with a hint of sadness in disappointing me in her voice. 

But, I have to admit what I like best is now I can nag my husband from any room in the house. If I’m in the kitchen and he’s in the bedroom, I can nag! The other day he promised to fix the leak in the bathroom sink. In the afternoon when he was in his office and I was staring at the faucet drip, I had Alexa announce, “Fix the faucet!” Faucet got fixed. 

Is it any wonder Alexa’s approval rating keeps going up? Who wouldn’t love an inanimate object that listens, obeys, tells jokes and answers questions (without tone) and nags my husband.

I get teary-eyed when I think love the second time around is truly magical.

Cindy Argiento is a freelance columnist, public speaker and playwright. To contact, book her as a speaker, or read about her play, “Stanley and Alice,” visit  www.cindyargiento.com.